I finally have my date with the most gorgeous looking guy who has been my secret crush for a while. We met through mutual friends and have bumped into each other on several occasions at social gatherings. So instead of the usual anxiety I feel before a “first date”, I’m excited but calm and eagerly anticipating my time alone with him.
The restaurant is divine, the conversation flows, and it is obvious that he is making a big effort to impress me. And impressed I am. He drives me home. I invite him in for a quick coffee and the anticipated first kiss happens even before the kettle boils. It is better than I had ever imagined.
We didn’t even get to coffee. He takes me by the hand and leads me to the couch. I don’t resist. From there things just get completely out of hand. I try to slow him down, make clumsy jokes to distract him, push him away. Soon he has me pinned to the couch and no matter how many times I ask him to stop, he just keeps on going. It is like he has changed into a completely different person. I cry and beg and fight, but he is just too strong. When he is “done” he smiles and says it wasn’t too bad for a first time. Then he leaves.
I am in complete shock. I can’t believe what has just happened. I stare at nothing, waves of nausea sweeping over me and I gag more times than I can remember. Will anyone believe what has happened? What did I do wrong? Did I bring this on to myself? We have the same friends. What will they think?
My flatmate arrives home the next morning and finds me shivering on the couch despite it being a hot, humid Durban scorcher. All I can say is “rape”. She calls my sister who takes one look at me and immediately presses the MPLL panic button on the app.
I am still struggling to talk about this. I am not sure what I would have done without MPLL. I didn’t speak to the consultant, but my sister said he was incredible. From the real compassion I was shown during immediate treatment to the counselling thereafter, I can’t say enough. Even the private investigator was amazing. It is difficult to describe exactly how I felt and the range of emotions I experienced. Fear, anger, degradation, violation, pain, helplessness, embarrassment, shame, the nightmares, guilt and anxiety. No words are adequate.
I refuse to have my life ruined by this. I have found the strength to start the path to healing. I have laid charges.